


Fuel

by PastelPenguins



Series: Good Omens Crack-fics [4]
Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Aziraphale's True Form (Good Omens), Chainsaw kickback, Crack, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-25
Updated: 2020-02-25
Packaged: 2021-02-27 20:22:30
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 710
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22891684
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PastelPenguins/pseuds/PastelPenguins
Summary: This was to fill a prompt but it completely turned into something else. I don't even know what this is, just have a fun cracky Aziraphale trying to eat and it going wrong fic, I guess.
Series: Good Omens Crack-fics [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1789609
Comments: 1
Kudos: 10





	Fuel

"Therefore the Lord God sent him forth from the Garden of Eden. He drove out the man; and He placed at the east of the Garden of Eden Cherubim, and a flaming sword which turned every way, to keep the way of the tree of life."  
— Genesis 3:24

* * *

Now that the Apocalypse had been stopped, and it was abundantly clear that nothing would happen to the two for being seen together, Crowley had moved into the bookshop with Aziraphale. This was all well and good until Aziraphale realized Crowley would now be able to see im 24/7 unless one of them decided to go somewhere without the other. Which is why he was glad Crowley had that sleeping hobby of his, as it would give him ample time to, well, continue his little embarrassing secret and not have to explain himself.

This reasoning was why at 3:00AM Aziraphale was in the kitchen with his guard down and staring at a loaf of bread, a jar of jam open beside him, and completely ignoring the sounds and happenings of the bookshop around him. He started to glare at it just as Crowley, yawning and shirtless, turned the corner that led into the small kitchenette just as Aziraphale touched the loaf.

“Aziraphale? I smell smoke, where are you love?” Aziraphale jumped as he heard Crowley’s voice, and let out a loud “Fuck!” as he was then launched violently backwards into the wall, bread falling to the floor.

“Aziraphale?!” Crowley gasped and moved to help him up only to be stopped by a hand being held up. “Don’t.” He groaned and slowly stood back up, blushing darkly.

“What happened, are you alright?” Crowley ended up asking after a moment of silence, confused for said demon and embarrassed for him.

“W-well I was just hungry is all, and you startled me so the bread caught on my tooth.” Obviously this was not explanation enough because Crowley just looked even more confused. So with a sigh Aziraphale motioned for Crowley to stay put while he went to the bathroom to take his corporation off. Once that was done, he made his way back in his true form to show Crowley what he meant.

“Alright, go back to the entrance to the kitchen Crowley, I don’t want you in the line of fire in case the bread gets launched this time.” Once Crowley was out of the way, he glared at the loaf and then reached forward with one of the thousands of hands he had holding the flaming sword that he was. Then he pulled it back to eat, hesitating only just enough for one of the thousands of teeth to catch on it and was thrown back again, loaf of bread hitting the opposite wall this time.

This time instead of helping him, Crowley just burst out laughing  
“O-oh my someone, how is that even...why does that even happen?” He doubled over, something about the bread and bouncing making their way through the laughs.

“Well if you must know, I was trying to eat and had I just attempted to cut it with the teeth, this would never happen. It’s why I like eating the human way, and not with my essence. Though apparently just eating that way only supplies me with enough energy I don’t have to gorge myself except once a week.” He frowned, flames turning a purplish red before going back to orange.

“Well what about, I dunno, just a smoothie or something? That shouldn’t get caught should it?” Crowley finally asked once he was done laughing and Aziraphale turned a bright pinkish red as he remembered back a few months ago. He had tried that finally fed up with the “kickback” that happened when he ate something wrong, only for the whole kitchen to be covered in the liquid substance.

“Er, no that won’t work.” He finally said and Crowley just sighed and picked the loaf of bread up for Aziraphale with a chuckle.

“Well, if it makes you feel any better, I have to swallow things whole and then nap when I need to eat.” Crowley smiled, and then yawned again before heading back to bed as Aziraphale went back to glaring at the loaf.

**Author's Note:**

> So basically I based Aziraphale's true form off all the drawing I've seen of him being a flaming sword. Only this time he's a chainsaw of sorts.
> 
> Going off that, well they require fuel (which they burn through very quickly) hence Aziraphale's need to eat so often
> 
> Also chainsaws are prone to a phenomenon called "kickback" where one tooth of the blade contacts something without cutting it and the resulting shock throws the blade backwards violently


End file.
